Books and a Review

B is for books! We went to a Joni and Friends Family Retreat (more about that later) and came back with EIGHT new books! We have more books than we know what to do with already, but what’s another shelf full of books in the grand scheme of things? (And that’s not including what I put on my Kindle…)

I recently completed one of those eight books, The Harbinger by Jonathan Cahn. The subtitle is “The Ancient Mystery That Holds the Secret of America’s Future.” Although a work of fiction, the author informs us at the beginning of the book that the story contained within is based in reality. The premise? A verse in Isaiah foretells the future of America, down to the events of 9/11 and the stock market collapse of 2008.

Cahn makes a rather compelling case for how Isaiah 9:10 connects with the U.S. of today. He shows parallels between the fate of ancient Israel and the possible fate of the United States, should we not heed God’s call to return to him as a nation. If Cahn’s assertions are indeed true, this is a book that should be spread far and wide as a tool of awakening for our country, especially to the Christians within. However, the question of the book being fiction does make one think twice before shouting it from the mountaintops.  

The book meanders a bit too much for my liking at times. It thoroughly explains its plot points, but in doing so sometimes bogs down the reader with excessive verbiage. That being said, I still stayed up until midnight reading it, so the author did something right!

The Man and I went out recently for my birthday (another B) and came back with four more books. We just might have to purge soon…our bookshelves overfloweth.

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The Avengers

It’s opening night for Marvel’s The Avengers—and I am stoked! Yeah, I’m a geek, and I’m totally OK with that. The Man humors me by taking me to the superhero flicks. He’s awesome.

Hollywood has been leading up to this movie for awhile. They’ve been preparing us with films like Captain America, Thor, Iron Man, and Iron Man 2. We got to see Captain America for my birthday. (See? Geek!) It was well done. Iron Man was also a good one. Unfortunately, we haven’t yet seen Iron Man 2 (which introduces us to the character Black Widow) or Thor, which would have been nice prior to seeing The Avengers. I got pretty close to seeing Thor. A friend and I were going to meet and see it, but we ended up in different theaters. I was in the wrong one. Rats.

Anyway…all that to say I’m pretty excited. I’ll get back to you after I’ve consumed some superhero goodness.

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Slap Happy

We enjoy watching NCIS around here. The Man and DSguy walk around the house, affectionately “Gibbs-slapping” each other upside the back of the head. Monkey Boy has gotten in on the NCIS action, too.

                                                

Now Monkey Boy is non-verbal, but does sometimes come up with single words or close approximations. We noticed once that some of the things Monkey Boy was saying sounded really close to the names of some NCIS characters. He said things like happy (Abby), ma-gee (McGee), and something that resembled “Gibbs.” Do we think he was paying attention to NCIS? No, but that’s beside the point.

Figuring Monkey Boy was on a roll, The Man decided to go for a long shot. He introduced another character name, waiting to see if Monkey Boy would bite.

“DiNozzo,” The Man would say, hoping to cajole Monkey Boy into saying it. “DiNozzo. DiNozzo!”

Nothing.

He tried again. “DiNozzo…DiNozzo…DuhhhhNoooozzo!”

Monkey Boy finally popped his dad on the schnoz as if to say, “De nose is on your face!”

I think Monkey Boy just invented the “DiNozzo-slap.”

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Spelling Champ

Last week DSguy competed in the regional spelling bee. On the way to the event, we squeezed in a little last minute studying and said a prayer for DSguy to do his best.

He was up against about 16 other students in grades 4-6. The Man and I sat in the audience with bated breath, waiting to see if all that studying paid off. You know, it’s hard being in a spelling bee. I remember doing them when I was a kid. My Mom was never able to watch me do them—it was too nervewracking for her. Being a mom now myself, I can understand why. I think The Man and I were almost as nervous for DSguy as DSguy must have been!

As each word came, we clutched each other’s hands, our eyes boring holes into DSguy from the audience. Would he spell it correctly? Yes! We could breathe again. This went on for awhile, clutch-bore-breathe, clutch-bore-breathe, bearing a strange resemblance to Lamaze exercises. Finally, the playing field was narrowed down to three competitors.

DSguy was left on the stage with a boy and a girl, all hoping for the coveted first place. The boy went first. His word was “Albuquerque.” He spelled it, but somewhere in there he accidentally snuck in a “k.”

“I’m sorry, the correct spelling is a-l-b-u-q-u-e-r-q-u-e,” the proctor said.

DSguy’s hand went up.

“Yes?”

“Um, that should be capitalized,” DSguy corrected. Light laughter broke out in the auditorium. Oh, to have been able to see the proctor’s face at that moment.

Perhaps they should have asked DSguy to spell “precocious” for his next word. They didn’t, but maybe they will this Saturday when he competes again at the county level.

Congratulations on your first place win, DSguy! See? Studying really does pay off!

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Erma on Cooking

I love Erma Bombeck. She was truly an every-woman humorist. I love reading her takes on the day-to-day things of life, as she always knew how to see the funny in them. On occasion, I will share Erma quotes with you on this blog. Like today.

Today’s Erma-ism:

“When it comes to cooking, five years ago I felt guilty ‘just adding water.’ Now I want to bang the tube against the countertop and have a five-course meal pop out. If it comes with plastic silverware and a plate that self-destructs, all the better.”

Ain’t that the truth? Instant food, although not great for one’s health, is a busy mom’s best friend. If I had to cook everything from scratch, I fear my family would die of starvation. It’s not that I can’t cook, it’s that anything that takes more than 15 minutes or involves more than one course is asking for trouble. It’s hard enough to get a boxed side dish and a canned vegetable heated up without Monkey Boy getting into the raw ground beef that’s sitting in the skillet waiting to be browned.

It’s those convenience foods, like the biscuits in a tube that save my sorry gourmet-challenged butt.

The Man can’t stand those tubes. That “pop” noise that happens when the can is being opened freaks him out. Even if steak and lobster were popping out of that can, he wouldn’t want to be around for the unveiling. He leaves the job to me, the mighty can-hunter. Me kill biscuits.

I think Erma was on to something with those self-destructing plates. No washing dishes. What is it about my guys that they don’t rinse off their plates when they’re done eating? Don’t they know that not rinsing makes it exponentially harder to clean the gunk off the dishes later? I suppose I should be thankful that the dishes make it to the sink at all. Monkey Boy is learning to throw away what’s left on his plate when he’s finished, and sometimes the plate lands in the trash, too. That’s OK. He’s making progress. At least it’s off the table!

Maybe it’s time to make DSguy wash the dishes. We tried that once. He was a dishwasher with three speeds—slow, slower, and stop. I might be better off waiting for self-destructing plates to be invented. Either way, I’ll have a long wait on my hands.

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Coffee Talk

The Man and I went out to lunch yesterday. Now The Man, being the smart fellow that he is, started proofreading the menu. First he noticed that cheese was spelled as “chesse.” He gently pointed it out to the waitress, who was very gracious and replied that there were probably a number of typos in the menu.

While we were enjoying our meal, The Man found another questionable menu entry. Flagging down the waitress, he asked, “What’s togo coffee?”

“To go. Coffee to go.”

Now to be fair, it was a typo. There was no space in between to and go, but the sheepish look on his face was priceless. It was just one of those “gee I feel dumb” moments. Bless his heart. He has had coffee issues before.

On our honeymoon, we stopped at a little café for a bite to eat. The Man ordered the au jus sandwich. He was happily munching away when he managed, “This au jus is strange.”

I watched for a moment then replied, “You’re dipping your sandwich in your coffee.”

The sandwich wasn’t the only dippy one that day.

(Disclaimer: This message has been posted with The Man’s full knowledge and approval.)

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Middle Age

Once upon a long time ago, DSguy asked me a rather unremarkable question.

“Mom, what year were you born in?”

I told him.

He replied, “Is that in the Old Testament?”

Maybe it was a run-of-the-mill question, but the answer sure packed a wallop!

Sometimes I wonder what exactly constitutes being middle aged. I mean, I consider myself in that category, but what is the standard, anyway?

• DSguy apparently once thought I was an ancient relic of Biblical proportions.
• The Man says that I’m pretty darn close to middle aged, citing currently recognized human life expectancies as proof. Simple division. How methodical.
• A gal pal who is a bit older than I am says I’m still a spring chicken.

Wikipedia says middle age can be anywhere from 35-65, depending on which source you ask. That’s quite a spread, and yes, I fall in that range.

Just for argument’s sake, let’s say Wikipedia and The Man are correct and I am officially middle aged. I’m OK with that. It means I’m growing in wisdom and restraint, as is evidenced by the fact that DSguy is still alive after that Old Testament comment.

Lord help me if he ever decides to ask about menopause.

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Star Wars and Tongue Tied

S week is easy…S is for STAR WARS! And I’m late. I suppose since it’s actually T week, T should be for tardy. But I digress.

What to say about Star Wars? Everybody knows it, everybody loves it. (At least almost everybody I know.) Here’s a couple of my favorite Star Wars tributes:

First off, the commercial everyone is talking about…the pint-sized Darth Vader.

Genius. Somebody give that ad guy a raise.

Another stroke of pure genius…the Star Wars story set to a John Williams music medley…in four part harmony…sung by ONE guy! Love it.

Corey Vidal is the man. I need to go check out his other videos.

Getting back to T week. Besides tardy, T is also a nice fit for tongue tied.

This video cracks me up every stinkin’ time. This poor youth pastor is just doing his job, when—WHAM!—out comes an epic flub worthy of a lifetime achievement award. God bless his embarrassed heart.

Did you see his eyes bug out when he figured out what he had just said? Classic. Never fails to make me laugh.

Speaking of eyes bugging out…that reminds me of a similar flub The Man once made. We were in a small church in a rural farming community. The Man was on the platform, going through prayer requests, when he came up with this doozy.

“Let’s pray for Joe, who fell off his concubine and hurt himself.”

WHAT? Come again, city boy?

Yeah, that was supposed to be combine. “Joe” fell off his combine, as in farming implement!

Too bad that was before YouTube.

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