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Holy T-shirts, Batman!

>> Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Sometimes autism bites. To be a bit more precise, it tears. Or rips. Or shreds. Take your pick.

Monkey Boy has gone through more t-shirts than the health care bill has pages. I’m beginning to think keeping him clothed is going to cost about as much! I’ve lost count of how many garments have fallen prey to the unbridled fury of Monkey Boy’s meltdowns.

Exhibit A:
The Phineas and Ferb t-shirt, brand new for this school year. He wore it once before it bit the dust. It’s probably the best-looking rag on the block now.
Exhibit B: The famed Animal t-shirt? No more. It came home from school yesterday with this big ol’ gash. So did the extra shirt packed in his backpack. (Ironically enough, that shirt said “I do all my own stunts.”  Don’t say we didn’t give you warning.) He got off the bus wearing whatever shirt the school had on hand. It had a hole in it, too.
You’ve seen enough. No use going through the rest of the gruesome evidence.
There has to be an upside to all this, right? They say when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Well, when Monkey Boy gives you torn up tees, you can:
  • Use the material to make drapes to match the comforter he gnawed a hole in.
  • Add a little rubber cement, a warped vinyl LP, and a busted badminton racquet and display your work as modern art. (It will distract your visitors from the other work of art your little Picasso left on the kitchen wall.)
  • Tear them into little shreds and line your hamster cage.
  • Market them on cable TV as the world’s first shirts with built-in air conditioning.
  • Start a fashion trend. The I-just-wrestled-with-a-lawnmower look could be all the rage this season.
  • Get out a needle and thread and try to repair the damage. (Has it come to that?!)
Of course, I could always go the practical route. Shopping, anyone?

4 comments:

Joanne Sher September 29, 2010 at 9:24 AM  

Toooo funny. My mildly autistic son has had similar issues. Enjoyed the read - and hope it was cathartic ;)

Bobbi September 30, 2010 at 9:21 AM  

Funny but not, huh. Parker doesn't rip things except costumes but he doesn't mean too. I have bought him like 12 firefighter costumes. He wears them so much he rips them. Then there is his whole "I'll only wear black or blue shirts" thing. I can't buy him any other color because those are the colors fire fighters wear.

Sarah Daniels Heywood October 2, 2010 at 7:17 PM  

Oh, very funny, Kristi! Ben isn't necessarily destructive to his clothing, but because of his cp, he's a very messy eater. I can't tell you the number of shirts he's ruined because I cannot get ground in spaghetti sauce out. He goes through at least two shirts a day, whether it be because of spaghetti sauce or cottage cheese or a popsicle or because he, once again, used his shirt collar as a napkin. And, being nearly 14, a bib is out of the question...

Amber October 10, 2010 at 3:02 PM  

You can cut the shirts into strips and knot them onto a net to make a rag rug. Or send them to me and I'll do it. =)

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